Iron Chef of Music

Right cup improves coffee and friendships

My first Internet date was with a guy named Mike. (I assume that got your attention.) I received an email from this stranger, asking how to build plastic sleds. I responded, told how I did it. A few weeks later another note came, asking how to make the hitch.

Tags: Friendships

Republican Debbie Harwell, a candidate for the 7th Congressional District, announced that she was withdrawing from the race. Her news release, in its entirety, is below.

It is with great regret that I must remove my name for consideration in the 7th Congressional District race. Over the Christmas holidays, my husband experienced some serious health issues and my place is with him right now. This has been a hard decision for us; but after prayerful consideration and gaining medical advice, it is the right decision. I would not be able to give him the time and support he needs while also running an effective campaign for Congress. 

Within the last four months, I have been more than appreciative of the campaign efforts by so many people. I have renewed old friendships and established many new friendships that will last a lifetime and for that I have been blessed.

Even though I will not be on the campaign trail seven days a week, I will continue to study the candidates and will voice strong support for the one that I believe can represent the Pee Dee most effectively, said Harwell.

Harwells political campaign consultant Donald Smith said, Of course, I am disappointed but support Debbies decision. Upfront, she let me know that her decisions are based first on faith, second on family and lastly on self; therefore, I know it is the right choice for her. I was excited when she engaged me because I knew we had a winning candidate with her experience, ties to Horry, Florence and Georgetown Counties. The organizational efforts had just been completed along with her campaign literature and fundraising efforts when this happened. Debbie wants the best for the Pee Dee and will add her support and influence to the candidate she decides is the best for our district.

Tags: Friendships

When Cathrine Jakobsen made the 24-hour trek from Norway to Wilmington to get a glimpse of the inner workings of One Tree Hill, she knew it would be a trip to remember. What she didnt anticipate were the long-term friendships that would form while she was here.

Tags: Friendships

Updated: December 18, 2011 8:23AM

Michelle Alfano bridges the gap between Oak Lawn and the Middle East with a warm hug and an onslaught of new vocabulary.

“North.” “South.” “Coffee with cream.” “Cheeseburger.”

Alfano teaches the basic level of English for Arabic Moms class at Richards High School in Oak Lawn. She shows the women, many of whom received very little education in their homeland of Yemen, how to greet each other in English, how to order at an American restaurant and how to pronounce a four-digit number.

In doing so, she opens doors on cultural acceptance and understanding.

“Destiny has made me a steward of global peace and good relations,” Alfano said. “Many of these women have had encounters with Americans but not friendships.”

They are so grateful to be welcomed into the school that they have returned the favor and invited Alfano to weddings, holiday feasts and special events.

“I love, love, love these women,” Alfano said. “And I feel very loved by them.”

You almost have to see the love to believe it.

Class is scheduled to begin at 6:30 pm, but it can’t really start until each student has arrived and properly greeted everyone else in the room. There is handshaking, hugging, kissing and the unbridled compliment.

Rawya Hussin tells Alfano how beautiful she is, so dressed up.

“Like the moon,” she says.

Another woman thanks Alfano for being her teacher. Another apologizes for making Alfano work so hard to teach them.

Alfano, whose day job is teaching Spanish at Eisenhower High School, jokes about what a wonderful world it would be if her younger students were so gracious.

The twice-weekly, grant-funded class is a way for Community High School District 218 to reach out to a somewhat-isolated yet growing population that is unfamiliar with how the American school system works.

Alfano gets help from Amani Habhab, who was a high school teacher in Jordan. Her certification didn’t transfer, and she must take more classes to be able to teach in the United States. Meanwhile, she works as an aide in the district.

In addition to arming the women with basic survival language, the class doubles as an evening out for the moms. They chitchat, laugh and help each other through the lessons.

Afterward, Alfano invites me to the front of the class to ask the students anything I want.

Habhab interprets.

I ask what has been the biggest challenge in moving to America. They tell me not being able to communicate with doctors and teachers, and at restaurants and driver’s license facilities.

I asked why they wear headscarves. Arwa Obeid, reserved yet always smiling, explained.

“Our religion tells us to cover and to not go outside without these covers,” she said. “At home, we can remove the scarf. We go to our friends’ homes and we remove the scarves. We choose to wear them but we do not judge women who don’t wear them. We respect all other religions. We respect all humans.”

I ask what they would like south suburbanites to know about them.

Hussin, mother of three, said, “That Yemen is a very beautiful country. We’d like all Americans to visit Yemen and see how beautiful it is.”

So why did they move, I ask.

In America, they said, there is democracy. In America, they can drive a car. In America, the people are kind and nice.

Mostly, though, they came here for the same reason almost all immigrants have pulled up stakes and moved to a foreign land: Opportunity.

“We want our children to be educated,” Miriam Obaid said. “In our country, women can’t read or write. We can’t go to school. We want our children to go to university, to become doctors.”

Arwa Obeid added, “We want a better life for them.”

That is something all parents understand, no matter what language they speak.

At the end of class, the women gather to thank their teacher, collect their children, who are being minded in another classroom, and to, once again, hug, kiss and shake hands.

Hussin approaches me with a smile. She embraces me in a huge hug and says, in very good English, “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Tags: Friendships

One of the most remarkable friendships in Jewish history was between my father, Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, and Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. When they met in 1963, they felt an instant bond, despite the enormous differences in their backgrounds: Dr. King was a Baptist minister from the segregated South, trained in Protestant theology at Boston University. My father was a Jewish theologian, trained as a scholar in Germany, raised in an intensely pious, chasidic milieu in Warsaw; indeed, he was supposed to become a chasidic rebbe in Poland. What brought them together was a piety that transcended differences, forged by their love of the Bible, especially the prophets.

Their friendship was stoked by mutual concerns and tremendous public courage. My father spoke passionately against racism, and he engaged African-American theologians and social thinkers in dialogue, listening to their experiences. He worked together not only with Dr. King, but also with Jesse Jackson, Albert Cleague, Andrew Young and others. Dr. King, through his friendship with my father, spoke out vociferously on behalf of Soviet Jews, in support of the State of Israel and against the war in Vietnam.

For both men, these were biblically based positions, and the similarities in their understandings of the Bible are striking. Both believed that God is affected by human deeds, and both rejected Aristotles influential insistence that God is unaffected by human beings an unmoved Mover. On the contrary, God is the most moved Mover, both men used to say. That is the lesson of the prophets: that God cares deeply about human beings and is pained by human acts of injustice and cruelty.

Like the prophets and Dr. King, my father spoke with passion. Racism was not simply wrong, it was evil: Few of us seem to realize how insidious, how radical, how universal an evil racism is. Few of us realize that racism is mans gravest threat to man, the maximum of hatred for a minimum of reason, the maximum of cruelty for a minimum of thinking. Dr. Kings 1967 speech against the war in Vietnam was deeply courageous, and he was bitterly attacked for it, including by other civil rights leaders, who thought he should keep quiet about the war, that it was not a civil rights issue. Yet Dr. King, who stated dramatically, A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death. Economic injustice was a tool of racism, my father and Dr. King agreed, the creation of an unequal society, and in such a wealthy country, poverty was sheer cruelty.

Tags: Friendships

More than 70 children have set up camp at Torquay College this month as part of 60 CISV International (formerly Children’s International Summer Villages) camps taking place around the world each year.

Delegations of four 11-year-olds, a leader and junior counsellors from Brazil, Costa Rica, Finland, France, Germany, Japan, Norway, Sweden, Thailand, USA and Australia are all involved in the name of peace and building global friendships.

International camp director Bobit Manzano from the Philippines said the program was available to 20,000 11-18 year-olds annually, and also comprises community work.

“I just try to really immerse myself in the children to see how they develop,” Mr Manzano said.

“You can see the changes; they become more independent, and more open minded as they begin to learn and see the bigger picture.”

Over the month-long camp, participants take part in structured activities to achieve the CISV goals of diversity, sustainable development, human rights and human resources.

“It’s also about having fun too, we play communication and cooperation games, and head out on excursions to learn about the Australian culture.”

Junior counsellor Gabi Jackson of Ballarat, who attended a CISV camp to Guatamala as an 11-year-old, said she wouldn’t be half the person she was today if it wasn’t for CISV.

“The friendships you make are so strong, and now with social media, you can stay in touch,” Ms Jackson said.

Camp-goer Greger from Norway said the camp was so fun with so many activities.

“You make a lot of friends from different countries, and see other cultures.”

Tae of Thailand, who had not been overseas before, has liked it so far and Nani of Costa Rice said there was always something fun to do. Hannah, from Dallas, Texas, found out about the camps through her cousin and would definitely recommend registering.

The CISV Open Day takes place this Friday January 13 at 3pm, where each delegation will be showcasing their cultural activities.

Donations to the CISV kitchen have already been gratefully received from sponsors Baker’s Delight, Routleys and Costas, but they are urgently seeking more. For more information contact Gabi on 0417158865 or email villageaustralia2011@gmail.com.

Tags: Friendships

Each week, Patch gets emails from readers who have a parenting question that they would like discussed on the site. A few Patch moms get together and give opinions on the topic. We then turn it around and ask for readers to give their opinions as well. This week is a question that many of us have been faced with as well. We hope you join in and give your opinion at the end of the article in the comments section. if you would like to send us a question or join the Moms Council, please email the author.

#13;

Here is the letter we got this week.

#13;

I have a situation that maybe you all can help me with. My neighbor and friend has a daughter my own daughters age.  The two girls used to be such great friends, but they have been fighting a lot, and my friends daughter seems to be getting into a lot of trouble and trying to bring my daughter with her.

#13;

Thankfully lately when my daughter is asked to go over for a play date we are busy, but I fear the day when we are home (they live across the street) and I decline the play date for no apparent reason other than my daughter doesnt like her child anymore.

#13;

Q: How do I keep a relationship with my friend while allowing my daughter to distance herself from her friendship?

#13;

A: I had a similar issue, but the kids were much older.  While I was happy to let my child choose their own friend, the other parent seems way too involved with their relationship.

#13;

I often find I put the blame on myself or my child to relieve others of fault, but still win over the situation. (such as)  … yeah, Susie is kinda funny.  She seems to go in and out of friendships a lot.  I think she is just trying to figure out what she likes..  Or shes a bit funny the way she likes to be alone  sometimes.  I think she gets over-stimulated sometimes and she just needs to re-group.  

#13;

I dont typically like lying, but it is awkward with neighbors.  Id rather have them think my kid is weird, or Im overly permissive, indulgent, whatever, then to put others on the defensive and suggest they own the problem.  It can create a long uncomfortable relationship…

#13;

Of course, this wouldnt apply if they really WERE psycho and owned all the problem!!-Audrey Greenwood, mom of 2

#13;

A: Thankfully I have great neighbors for the most part. I have to say that when my kids have had issues with my friends kids, I simply talk to the other mom. If my kid was misbehavng, I would want to know. Every time, it has been discussed and the friendship remained solid.

#13;

I have known kids that I prefer my children not play with. When they would come to play, I would just say that my child was busy and could not play. I dislike lying but I will not force my child to play with someone that they do not want to play with or who I would prefer them not to play with. I would rather be polite and not let anyone get feelings hurt. -Tammy Bester, mom of 3

Tags: Friendships

Over the past few months, over 40 partnerships have been established, meeting both formally and informally to learn more about each others cultures. Partners have explored a range of campus offerings ranging from a cappella concerts to University Museums, to off-campus locations including local restaurants and cultural events. The pairs have also met formally once a month to connect with other partnership groups and to complete team projects.

In preparation for International Education Week, the partnership groups elected to either bring food or present a game from their culture for the Nov. 16 event. Additionally, the pairs worked on making flags that represented their cultural partnership. The flags were hung up during various International Education Week events, as well as in student centers. During the course of the semester, the groups also were encouraged to share their stories in a blog of the Cultural Exchange Partnership Program. 

The shared stories represent amazing connections groups have made and the deeper understanding each partner has of another culture and many of the pairings have developed into great friendships that will hopefully last a lifetime, said Residence Life Complex Coordinator Joshua Holmes, a member of the organizing team. 

The capstone event of the semester culminated with a packed George Read Hall lounge with food, friendship and cultural exchanges.

Photos by Lane McLaughlin

Tags: Friendships

By: Scott Haddow

 Maddy Pos and Kate Palkovits had never met each other when they started at Marymount Academy. Now, in their final year of secondary school, they will graduate as inseparable friends.

Their athletic experiences at Marymount helped forge a strong friendship. Pos and Palkovits were front and centre of many teams and enjoyed tremendous success, including, most recently, the city Division A flag football championship, in which the two were co-captains.

“At first, we didn’t know each other and I would say to myself ‘Who is that girl who is good at everything?’” Pos said. “Now, I know exactly who she is and she is someone I can count on every day to be there for me because I am there for her.

“It is amazing that sports brought us so close together and helped us become such good friends.”

Palkovits echoed Pos’ feelings.

“Maddy and I have always run parallel and we’re always ready to lean on each other no matter what,” Palkovits said. “I know Maddy will be a friend for life and we both also made other friends we know we will have for life.

That’s the culture at Marymount … there is a real sense of community here and you really feel like you’re part of something.”

Pos and Palkovits came to Marymount in Grade 7. In their six years, they had an undeniable impact on the school. Teacher, coach and program leader Daniel Bartolucci remembers their first day at the school and how the girls were quite overwhelmed. It didn’t take long for Pos and Palkovits to change into responsible and motivated student athletes. They went from being shy and wary to bona fide leaders.

“Their mature attitudes and respect for athletics in the high school environment is inspirational,” Bartolucci said. “They have dedicated more hours to Marymount-related activities, athletics, and events than most students and teachers could ever imagine.”

He said the girls have made the school a better place in their time there.
“They have both had a hand in designing new initiatives for the school and have helped to ensure that Marymount continues to offer up programs that will help continue to make it such a wonderful school environment for students from Grades 7 to 12,” he said.

“Their strength in character and outstanding personalities, as well as the ambition that both of these girls have, puts no doubt in my mind that the success they have enjoyed at Marymount will continue throughout their post-secondary experience and eventually into their years as working professionals.”

Pos and Palkovits compete in multiple sports and always set the bar high when it comes to school pride and making a difference in sporting fortunes at the school.

“Maddy’s leadership and passion for sports is easily observed in both practices and games,” Bartolucci said. “Outside of the sporting environment, Maddy has the type of personality that draws people to her. She is smart, funny, witty and always has something meaningful to say.

“Katie has been involved with pretty much every sport here at the school and definitely stands out as one of the superior athletes,” the teacher said. “Kate is a Level 1 (alpine ski) racer which means that she has only received high school racing training. Last year, Kate was the leader of our SDSSAA and NOSSA championship winning team.

“At OFSAA, Kate had individual races that earned her a 13th and 15th place ranking in each event. This helped Marymount to finish seventh overall in Ontario, which was exceptional.”

Pos carries a 92 average and is looking at a career in engineering and business. Her time at Marymount helped shape her into the person she is today.

“I don’t take friendship for granted because it can do so much for you,” the 17-year-old said. “I came to Marymount super shy and now I am confident. I grew in my own way here and I became a more well-rounded person.”

Palkovits carries a 90 average and plans on attending medical school in the future so she can become a doctor. The Marymount experience has been memorable for Palkovits.

“There are no words to describe the opportunities I’ve had at Marymount,” the 17-year-old said. “I was shy, too and Marymount and friends, like Maddy, helped me become more confident. It’s an atmosphere that fosters and encourages success at every level.”

Posted by Laurel Myers

Tags: Friendships

Dont expect too much too soon.

QUESTION

Hi Irene,

Im a freshman at a large, public university this year and Ive been in school for almost two months now. My dorm is very small—and sororities arent my thing—but I have joined many different clubs.

Ive been very social and outgoing around people that Ive met and Im a very approachable person. However, I dont feel like Im forming the close relationships or finding a circle of friends that I had in high school. I went to a very small K-12 school, so I knew most of my class for 6 or more years. Now, it feels like everyone already has their group of best friends or they have friends from high school.

I love meeting new people, but sometimes these people seem cold or arent talkative. Also, the friends Ive clicked with, at least a little bit, have other activities or friends they can be with. I know these friendships take time, but I feel isolated and Im having anxiety that I wont find good friends during the 4 years Im in college. I feel like Im the only person getting these feelings right now. Any advice or suggestions?

Signed, Alison

ANSWER

Hi Alison,

Moving from a small school where you knew everyone for many years to a large, anonymous university campus with thousands of students is a big change that requires a period of adjustment.

Although it may not appear that way, many other freshmen are likely to be in the same boat as you. Even those who came to college with their high school friends, or who immediately bonded with new people they met, will be shedding some of those friendships as they begin to change and are shaped by their college experiences.

Give yourself some time. Remember that this is only your first semester. You will have the opportunity to meet many different kinds of people – in your dorm, in classes, in the student union, in clubs, etc. Since you are social and outgoing, there is no reason for you to feel anxious about making friends. Your past is the best predictor of your future.

With the combination of social and academic pressures, its normal to feel very stressed during the first year of college. Please write me at the end of the semester and tell me whether things are better for you. I suspect they will be!

Warm regards, Irene

Other posts on The Friendship Blog about college friendships:

Tags: Friendships